worst in me
by brenslow
Summary: \toxic \drabble \one-shot\ Cobra knew from the start there was something about the celestial mage from Fairy Tail. The way she cried hooked him.


The first time he met Lucy Heartfilia he was able to look at her with both eyes and see just how beautiful she was, it was hard to not see it really, even Midnight later on had made a comment about the rack she carried. Cobra didn't care about that – well he appreciated her assets – nearly as much as he cared about her crying. He was twisted for it, he didn't care though, he loved her even more when she was crying.

When he heard of Fairy Tail's main group disappearing on an island in the ocean - rumours of a giant black dragon having destroyed them even - he couldn't help but be a little disappointed. Grimoire Heart has been out there as well, chasing after rumours of Zeref him-fucking-self being on that Island... Cobra couldn't help but feel a pang of disappointment. He chalked it up to missing the fight, the potential of seeing her cry again not an option.

The second time he met her, he and Midnight were trying to sacrifice her to the clock in another twisted plan of Brain's. He managed to keep a straight face the whole time, but deep inside he was clawing to get to her. It had been 7 years since they had disappeared, and she hadn't changed one bit. He wanted to wipe the tears from her face with his tongue, to taste her pain and maybe even save her just so he could steal her for himself. He wanted her to cry more, and for him. But he couldn't - he did nothing but watch, and again their plans failed but maybe there would be a next time, and a chance to catch her cry again.

He didn't allow himself to think about her, tried to push the images of her beautiful tears and pained expressions from his mind while he rotted away in jail for the second time. Deep in his subconscious, he knew he would never forget though, and her face haunted his dreams. The worst for him was when he woke up to the residual images of her smiling in his dreams - smiling at him. Not crying. It confused him to no end and it only made him angry. She would never smile at him; her tears were something he already had, but she would never look at him and smile so happily the way she did in his dreams now. He hated her for it.

When the dragons attacked Crocus, and his two favourite Rune Knights broke him out for the battle, he made an effort to stay as far from her shining eyes as he could; he felt if he saw her there would be no chance in hell he'd keep the deal. Even with Tartaros scheming their nasty plans, he could hear her amidst the chaos as she fought. Her determination to close the gate with the other Celestial Mage sung so strong against the sounds of the rest of the world, it made him angry; he thought of the dreams of her smile that haunted him, and the memories of her tears and bright crying eyes for once didn't bring him as much joy. If the world fell apart now, he would never get the chance to maybe - maybe - apologize for causing those tears.

He went back to jail, not just to escape the sound of her but because he knew he wanted absolutely nothing to do with the coming war Tartaros planned. Instead, he'd use that to his advantage, dropping an awfully vague hint to the Rune Knights before letting himself be carted back to the dungeons. Low and behold when the time came, Mest fucking Gryder himself cams to him in desperation and he was finally able to leverage freedom for himself and his old guild mates. Lucy would have more reason to hate him if she ever knew he pulled that shit. But he got his freedom.

It was hard to enjoy at first and did not go as planned, especially with Jellal Fernandez and his little pink weirdo blasting into their lives. The fact Jellal was still alive made him grit his teeth, and he thought he could just walk back into his teams lives and order them around? Again? At the same time he knew the guy was right, heard it in the deepest core of his mind even and knew that following Crime Sorciere could be their best forward chance at an even truer freedom. They were still criminals, wanted even by the reformed council.

The second worst part was how annoying strong his sound magic was, and how sick he was of being able to always hear her in some volume. As they both zigzagged across the country, they'd cross paths close enough Cobra's head would only be filled with the sound of her. It made him want to shove razor blades in his ears so that maybe for once, he wouldn't have to listen to her and have her haunt his dreams.

He had never told anyone of this growing infatuation he'd had with the blonde since the first time he'd seen her cry. Her reaction to him and his familiar nearly killing one of her closest friends still was one of his favourites. The horror at how someone could be so cruel filled him with a sick sense of pride at the time, but now there was a sense of disgust with himself. The only reason it was his favourite was because it was the first time he met her. The first time he saw her cry. That infatuation had her like a claw gripping his mind, an obsession that he nearly stalked her because of in many occasions. He wasn't that bad, and at a certain point he felt he really did want to be a better man; maybe one day he could see her smile at him for real, and not just in his dreams.

The first best moment of his life had to be the pardoning Queen Hisui had given him and Crime Sorciere after the war with Alvarez was won. Their part in protecting the kingdom was more than redeeming in her eyes, but they weren't Lucy's. A dream he had come to realize at this point was just that - a dream. The best he was going to get would be her tears.

The second best moment would have to be when every fear he'd had was crushed the moment she smiled at him. Genuinely smiled at him, and congratulated him and his family on being pardoned. She even called his guild his family, but he heard her when she subtly hinted at that family being Oración Seis. Shock had consumed him for a moment and it must have been obvious because she giggled at him too. How she was reading him like he read peoples minds he couldn't tell, and he never could.

Each following interaction with her got better and better. She listened to him in a way he didn't think another person ever could, and understood him on some levels that even he didn't understand. They weren't regular visits though, more occasional visits Crime Sorciere in general would pay Fairy Tail, but each time Erik found himself talking with the blonde. She had an excitement building when it came to their visits and eventually — as some would put it — dates. Lucy didn't care what people called it when they ditched the guild together, she called it fun. It was almost too good for him, and she definitely was. But Erik was a selfish man, shameless to his core and despite the guilt that settled in his stomach the more she fell in love with him he couldn't stop seeing her.

Eventually the visits did become regular, even if it was just himself fucking off from his guild without a word to go to Magnolia. Each time, Erik would want to finally tell her he was sorry, to let her know all of the guilt he truly had pent up for the way he tried to kill her. He wanted her to know he felt worthless, and undeserving of the love she harboured for him, especially because he still didn't know if he loved her.


End file.
